the dream team

here is my hunger games dream team. before i reveal the roster though, i'll fill you in on my guidelines for casting.

1) key roles should be unknown, but good, actors (i.e. katniss, peeta, gale)
2) as we fan out in the relevance of characters, you may bring in some of those "i think i know that guy from somewhere" actors
3) cameos from famous people can work for very few roles and still very much depend on who's making said cameo (i.e. capitol citizens, minor roles that require quality acting)

i'll admit, i've haven't seen all of these people in action, so some picks are based solely on looks and not acting quality(that's why it's a 'dream team')...but under the assumption that each of these could take home an oscar, here it goes...

katniss - kaya scodelario

although most known for her role on the on the show 'skins', i'm not gonna hold it against her. she's got a plain enough face to play katniss, but can shine up like a new penny. she's got the look to portray both fierceness and sensitivity





peeta - alex pettyfer

realistically this guy is probably out of the running, as he won't be unknown for long. he'll play number four in the movie i am number four, using context clues, methinks it's probably an important role...












gale - ethan peck

i honestly know nothing about him, but he sure as hell looks the part to me. he's been in a couple of no name movies, and one with a name that shouldn't have ever been made (ahem, sorcerer's apprentice)














prim - elle fanning

in my eyes she's already proven herself worthy of a role in this film, and couldn't personify prim any better. she seems meek, but can be strong and cool under pressure.















mrs. everdeen - jodie foster

she can play the sensitive healer role, the broken women, and she's got the face of a coal miner's widow










haymitch - a tie between gary oldman and sam rockwell

depending on how old and/or weathered you think haymitch is. i think either one of these guys would kill it.












cinna - hugh dancy
no need for explanation. he just is cinna.



















rue - yara shahidi
when she's not acting opposite eddie murphy, she's can be seen in a few minor roles in recent dramas (salt, unthinkable).
















president snow - bill nighy

you may most recall him as the washed up billy mack from love actually, but he can hang in the bad boy roll (underworld, pirates, and i'm not sure if we can count shaun of the dead, but i'm doing it)











caesar flickerman - eric roberts


i had a hard time remember hold old caesar actually is, but i think he can swing a range of ages...especially the eerily fake youth that caesar's character portrays.








and call me crazy, but i'm throwin' the avox girl in the mix.

avox girl - deborah ann woll


she won my heart as a lady of the night in true blood...do i mean hooker? no. i mean bible thumper gone newborn vampire. and she has transformed her character, which makes me think, she can play any role... it's too bad her face isn't more foxy.








that's it for now, but stay tuned for casting of the careers, and a one ms. effie trinket.

what's a mallow with you?

there was a time in college, a time that spanned several months, where i was on a 'smore a day' regimen. and mind you, i held to it vigilantly.

i'm not sure what the appeal was... it could've been the texture compliment of crisp graham cracker meeting bulbous pillowy marshmallow, or the mere fact that chocolate was involved, that had me coming back for more. all i know is that this itch for campfire goodness, left me skirting the possible judgment and ridicule of my roomies as i waited for my daily mallow to rise and bubble in the my terrible excuse for an open flame. i.e. the microwave.

either way, i've long since kicked the habit, partially because it can't be healthy to ingest that many mallows, and partially, because it was a passion in which i stood alone. yet, lo and behold, today, august 10th, 2010, the nation stands with me.

i recently discovered (yesterday) that 'national smore day' was not only an existing holiday but that is was indeed today. and words will not do justice to my joy. tonight will be a celebration of which has never been seen. probably because no 10 year-olds have their own apartment, nor a blog to rant about their food obsessions.

i have discovered a recipe for smore cupcakes that is sure to capture the essence of childhood anticipation for said delicious treat and command respect from anyone who thinks otherwise. because today i am not just a sweet tooth glutton, no my friends, today, i'm simply just patriotic.

mallows to the sky.

i rule. you rule. rules rule.

as i am a lot better at giving people advice than i am listening to said advice myself, i've decided to write out some ground rules for myself as if i'm telling them to someone else. (confusing enough yet?) disclaimer: this is not the start of me referring to myself in third person for the sake of the creative process. danielle would never do that.

How to write when you don’t know what to write.
::first:: Don’t be afraid to write absolute shit. ::second:: Don’t be afraid to write LOTS of absolute shit. ::third:: In the beginning, writing for the sake of writing is essential. Don’t expect to get a masterpiece on the first try. The fact that you’re writing is enough. ::fourth:: Don’t be afraid. Write about anything and everything that comes to mind. Allow yourself to explore every possibility in writing. Nothing is too mundane or too fantastic to put down on paper. You never know where it will lead. ::fifth:: Write early and often. Don’t put it off for anything. Sure the laundry needs to be done, but you need to write. There will always be dishes in the sink, but you need to write. There is a Friends marathon on tv, but You. Need. To. Write. ::sixth:: Mistakes happen. Let them. Don’t go back to correct grammar, punctuation, anything. If you write ‘yellow’ don’t go back to a thesaurus to supplement it for ‘marigold,’ ‘jaundice,’ or ‘lemon meringue’. Just let it be yellow. ::seventh:: Don’t keep it to yourself. Share it, talk about it, expand on it, let others add to it. You have to learn to write for the sake of writing. As a means of expression, documenting, experiencing, remembering, coping, grieving, sharing, being. Nothing more, and not as a means of getting rich, proving your worth, or trying to impress. No matter what you write, it’s guaranteed that there will be someone out there who thinks it’s utter shit. And it just may be. But there’s nothing wrong with that. Remember that inspiration can be found anywhere. So don’t let it pass you by. Take a picture, take a note, mental or on paper, cut out that magazine clipping, download that song, write down the lyric, remember that dialogue, movie scene, that moment at the bus stop. There are always stories to be told. ::eighth::Don’t underestimate the beauty and complicated depth of your own experiences.

decisions decisions

There once was a girl, perhaps she considered herself a lady, but in this moment…she feels like a girl, a child…so there once was a girl who didn’t know what direction to go. She felt as if whatever path she chose, she’d be missing out. Not that both paths were poor choices, but both were beautifully enticing choices. One would think that that isn’t a bad dilemma to have…but if you are the type who hates to miss out, it’s epically frustrating. The girl thought she had her cards all lined up, she had her explanations down pat so that others knew, that she knew what she was doing, but she wondered was if could explain it to herself genuinely…was she just convincing herself or is this what she really wanted? How can you decipher between wants, desires, pressures, and obligations? Sometimes they all feel the same. What if once she begins down one path she sees all the fruits of the other? And thus, can she be happy on either path if her eyes will always be looking back at what she could’ve done? Could’ve been? Or perhaps, she is meant to walk both paths, and one simply must come first. Could one path could disappoint several, and may the other disappoint the one person that counts? How can she decide between what she wants and what who she wants wants? How can she even tell the difference? She is at a point of not understanding herself and the excitement that stirred at the thought of possibility has become two heavy weights on her each of her shoulders. She only slouches in private though, as she must keep up appearances with those passersby she meets in this fork in the road. Some who seem to choose their direction so easily, as if there were no other options. It may be romanticizing their situation, but in this moment, no options sounds delightful. Perhaps this writing is the answer, the literal manifestation of the decision that I want to make, but am afraid to. It’s only a year. Which life has shown to be quite short. And isn’t 365 days a short price for certainty…or at least something resembling it? I’ve inserted a fear of failure into a situation that should be win-win. Funny how shame, and guilt can weasel their way into even the happiest of situations…the most freeing choices, and circumstance. Funny how I let them, and perhaps even encourage them. What if at the end of it, my writing means nothing? Rather than a fear of being awful at it, my failure lies in the possible realization that I don’t really like it all. That when it comes down to it, it’s just a hobby, nothing more. And I’ll be less compelled to be creative. What will that mean for Austin? Our dreams are intertwined at the moment, and thus easy to pursue…but what if they diverge? What dreams trump others, can all be satisfied in such a short life. And can either of us live with settling, or worse, forcing the other to? Maybe I am over thinking, but this decision feels too big to go on instinct alone. I feel like I need concrete evidence. Someone walk in, pull down the white screen and show me a pie chart of what makes me happiest. Give me empirical data and narratives on people exactly like me in the exact same situation, who made one decision or the other and whether or not they thought it the right one. Or better yet, someone tell me what to do so if things don’t work out, I’ll have someone to blame other than myself. Because that comes far too easy for me and I’ve had plenty of practice. Last thing I need is to set myself up for ridicule that will date back 12 months, and several moments of regret. Although, one path seems to hold less regret than the other. But can you base a decision on answering “what choice will I regret less if it doesn’t work out?” Seems a grim way to run your life. What if I found that I am uninspired? That what is now my outlet and refuge, when compacted by the heat and pressure of stress, expectations, deadlines, and outside opinions becomes my prison? Too dramatic? Perhaps, but it could happen. I need to know that once I make my choice (I thought I’d already made it) that I’ll feel better. That relief will consume me and not further anxiety. I need to know that I can come out of my shell and be creative without school guiding and/or forcing me. I need to know that I’m not letting so many kids down, by not pursuing my education right now, and thus not pursuing them. I’m pursuing myself…and that shouldn’t feel wrong, but in a way it does. Are we supposed to do what makes us happy or help others? They don’t always match up…sometimes one impedes on the other. Or rather, retreats from the other.

i wrote this about a month ago, when i was in the deepest, and most grueling (to say the least) part of my decision-making process on whether or not to defer grad school for a year to pursue writing more fully. decision making for me can often be riddled with anxiety and worry, and i usually come out the other end feeling unsettled, as if i've just closed my eyes and pointed blindly in the direction that i'm going to go. usually it feels like a last ditch effort to get a good night's sleep. to just be done with it. not this time. for the first time in a long time, i actually feel like myself in this decision. there's a finality to it that i usually don't have. a feeling of calm. like, for the most part, i know what i'm doing. and that knowledge comes with the acceptance that, of course, i don't really know what i'm doing, but it feels right, so i'm gonna go with it. writing is a big deal to me. it's pretty much the only way i can wholly communicate with the world in a genuine way. when i try to talk about things i really care about, it always comes out jumbled and fragmented...stutters and long pauses as i filter everything through to a point where i'm comfortable actually saying it. but when i'm writing, it just happens. it's just me, in whatever true form i happen to be that day. it doesn't have to be consistent, civil, pleasing to others, or even logical. and i like that part of me. i like feeling like myself. and i'd like to feel that way with others when it really counts. when it's really difficult and when i really mean it. i'm hoping this next year will help me do that. that with each poem, story, project, or journal entry i will dissemble my walls brick by brick. or at the very least make a big enough hole for others to visit. and maybe, just maybe, get to a point where i'm at ease with saying what i mean, instead of putting it down on paper and hiding it away. it's a constant struggle, but for the first time, i feel like i'm truly committed to working on it. that i'm willing to be braver with others, and learn to be a champion for my own thoughts and ideas. and really allow myself to dream, and be whatever i feel like. not what i feel responsible or obligated to be. so here goes nothing i guess...

could this be the future

of hip hop music videos?

good

artistic

videos

i sure hope so.

and pioneering the way for those of us who love the beats but could use a little less "booty in camera lens" shots are:



i think this celebration calls for a list of all that we're (hopefully) leaving behind us. here are the top 10 rap video shots that will not be missed by yours truly:

10) 'cool' rapper popping a bottle of champagne and pouring it on a bikini-clad young coed*

9) doing donuts in an empty parking lot with your butterfly doors up

8) mean-muggin' at a stop light with your hydraulics on full blast

7) anything at a strip club...having a meeting, eating a steak, talking on your cell, etc...

6) excessive cut in shots of ass jiggling

5) anything with guns involved, especially the side cock to the camera

4) r kelly's "in the closet" saga...yes it was good for a moment, but we don't need any copycat artists on this one

3) inner thigh shots...nuff said

2) pissed off dogs on chain collars

1) the pool party. whether it's the refined snoop dogg shot where no one is actually in the water, the hot tub and cigars with a bunch of dames, or the big breasted, uncoordinated girls playing water volleyball... i'm so over it.

*pouring it out for a homie is still acceptable, unless your homie is a bikini-clad young coed

but let us not forget those who have been making note-worthy videos for years:



ok, not every video was cutting edge, but each of these artists have rocked my world at least once...and no one's perfect.

hello future. i tip my hat to you.

thank you H20

i had the privilege of shooting friends, jenny and justin's wedding back in november.
here are a few of my faves from their big day.














it was a beautiful day. thanks j's for letting be a part of it. happy marriage.

thoughts of sharing

an evening alone. only much needed in retrospect as i wasn't sure what to do with myself tonight. after making dinner, watching bad tv, and a trip to zoka, i ended up here. back at home, at my computer, reading old blog entries, and realizing, man i used to be quite brave, unyielding even, in sharing myself with others. what's happened to bring me to now? where i keep everything inside and the thought of sharing any hurt, insecurity, or anger leaves me paralyzed. the other day i was talking to a coworker about how stressed i was and how i was having trouble sleeping; that i found myself veering back and forth between depression and apathy. i felt like i was overstepping a boundary to be so bold in saying such truths, and he looked at me and said, "you just said all of that with a smile on your face." how can that be? i was completely unraveling on the inside... when did i become such an expert at hiding myself? when did that become my survival method? and why, even after realizing all of this, is it still my comfortable habit? part of me believes that i don't share myself because everything can be so fleeting. what if the one time i let it all out, it becomes completely obsolete and inaccurate the next day? i may be overwhelmed by a particular insecurity one day and be ok with it the next...is that ok? or will everyone be stuck with a different version of me that they caught a glimpse of once. is a fear or insecurity any less valid if it can be so fleeting? i'm not sure if they ever completely disappear though, perhaps it's more cyclical than anything. but who's to say which issue will surface on what day. can i expect people to keep up? maybe the hinderance is not knowing exactly who i am. how can i share with you what i don't understand?